Comrade Robot

[rain_gryphon]

I wonder how much longer Castro will last?

*****

Fidel sat at his desk, filling out paperwork. 90% of being a dictator seemed to be paperwork. The "Be a Dictator!" ad on the matchbook cover had made the job sound much more exciting.

There was a cursory knock, and the double doors of his office swung open to reveal a ten foot tall robot looming in the entryway. He was made of steel, massive and rivet-studded and only slightly rusty, with lightbulb eyes and a large, brightly enamelled Cuban flag affixed to his chest. Fidel concealed his annoyance at the interruption, and smiled graciously. "How may I help you, Comrade Robot?"

Wordlessly, the robot grasped the edge of the enamelled flag, and in one sudden motion ripped it from his chest to reveal the CIA logo. Fidel bit through his cigar, and spat out the stub. "Caramba!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with horror. He dove for the floor as the robot pointed a finger at him, bellowing in a mechanical voice "Now... You... Die... Fidel... Castro..."

The laser beam flashed over Fidel's head, and blew out the back wall of the office. People out in the street paused in amazement at the sudden eruption of bricks and dust, then scattered, screaming. The CIA was trying to assassinate Fidel again, and as always, bystanders were at the greatest risk...

*****

The weather's still quite nice here, although it should soon turn colder.

*****

I'm having Campbell's Chicken Gumbo for lunch. It's amazingly good for canned soup. My grandmother used to like it when I was little, although it wasn't to my taste at the time. I always thought 'gumbo' was a cool name for something, though.

*****

I should make crawdad etouffe this weekend. I've not had that in forever. This is one of the few places I've lived where you can buy crawdads at the store. It's not quite the same as fishing them out from their castles with bacon on a string, but it's much more convenient.

*****

The President did the Turkey Pardoning Ritual again this year, which is sort of lame. I'm sure he marches his butt right back inside, and eats a different one. I'd like to see him chop the National Turkey's head off on the front lawn of the White House with George Washington's hatchet, then proclaim National Turkey Massacre Day. We could dress the National Turkey in a little turban and beard, and name him "Osama".

*****

You never really hear 'turkey' used as an insult anymore.

Comments

[mejeep.livejournal.com]

re: pardoning the turkey, I agree, it's a stupid gesture since other turkeys are eaten later in the day. My grandma and those before her bought life chickens and poultry and handled the slaughter and preparation all the way to the dinner table. We're all so coddles and separated from the origins of our food that kids don't know that milk comes from a cow!

You never really hear 'turkey' used as an insult anymore.
There are still turkey films!

[xolo.livejournal.com]

kids don't know that milk comes from a cow

That honestly wouldn't surpise me.

Castro 2!

[stu-ath.livejournal.com]

Give me some Campbell's Chicken Gumbo, you Turkey! :P

What's crawdad etouffe when it's at home? Sounds nice

Re: Castro 2!

[xolo.livejournal.com]

Etouffe is a sort of tomato and fish stew served over a mound of steamed rice. It's not that different from gumbo, really. Crawdads are these little freshwater lobsters that we have here. You find them in rivers, streams, ditches, anywhere there's water. They dig holes, and pile the excavated dirt into little 'castles' over their hole.

Re: Castro 2!

[stu-ath.livejournal.com]

Oh, yum to the maximum.

McCrawdads?

They build forts? Wow

Re: Castro 2!

[xolo.livejournal.com]

There are surprisingly few pictures on the web. Purdue has one marked 'crayfish chimney' (which only a northerner would say) on http://www.agriculture.purdue.edu/fnr/stoutwoods/vrtrail04.html
but it's unfortunately shown from above, so you can't really get an idea what they look like. A castle is usually a little steep-sided cone, maybe six inches tall. They look sort of like little volcanoes. Sometimes there'll be dozens of them, all together.

Re: Castro 2!

[stu-ath.livejournal.com]

yikes! Scary

[maxgoof.livejournal.com]

That turkey of a robot was obviously not programmed by a True Evil Overlord.

A True Evil Overlord's robot would have shot Fidel *without* ripping the Cuban flag off his chest.

[xolo.livejournal.com]

He was programmed by a mad ex-Nazi scientist working for the CIA, actually.

[dakhun.livejournal.com]

Do Spanish-speaking people still use the word "caramba" anymore?

[xolo.livejournal.com]

Does the CIA still send giant robot assassins anymore?

[ruwhei.livejournal.com]

They reported that outside observers think that Castro has an intestinal cancer, and they don't expect him to live more than a few months. On the other hand, he really does have excellent medical care, and even if he does die there will not be much change in Cuba. Raul is said to favor china-like reforms, though.

[xolo.livejournal.com]

Do you think Raul will be able to hold on to power with Fidel gone?

[ruwhei.livejournal.com]

Most of my family, like most exiles, think that the public will overthrow Raul.

My experience with most of the exile community is that they are wishful thinkers and emotionally overreactive. I've often said that if there's any kind of action a cuban can take, its to overreact.

In any case I think Raul won't be overthrown and I don't think he'll lose power. Raul is in charge of the army, and has their loyalty. The Cuban Army is not squemish about killing people bloodily and publically, and most of the cuban people know it.

There is a lack of cuban opposition to rally around to oppose Raul. The counterrevolutionist dissidents are not famous nor do they have a large popularity base, the lip-service communists in government oppose eachother so they can't unite their opposition to Raul, and of course, Raul has the name and a sense of continuing legacy.

The only thing that Raul has going against him is the same thing that Fidel has going against him: biology. Raul is an old man. He's only a few years younger than Fidel. Once Raul takes the reigns, its only a matter of time before the 'biological solution' takes him as well. The would be-Opposition knows this - they know they can afford to 'live him out' and see who is third in the succession.

When Fidel dies, there will be a lot of celebrating in Miami, a lot of public mourning in Cuba, and Raul will start pursuing some reforms and quickly find a sucessor to himself. Its unclear who the successor will be, as there is no one else from the original revolution left.

[xolo.livejournal.com]

It's the loyalty of the army that I'm wondering about, actually. I can't see any chance of a popular uprising. The people who hate Castro bad enough to fight have all come to the States already. I suspect most of those remaining are either supporters or don't much care one way or the other.

It interested me that when Fidel took ill, Raul's first response was to disperse the military in small units, ostensibly to guard against American attack; and to require unactivated reservists to report once a day by phone to Army HQ instead of to their unit commanders. That speaks to me of a man who doesn't trust his field officers not to take advantage of the situation.

IMHO, the real danger's going to come when Raul picks his successor. I'd imagine several of the senior generals and colonels see themselves as possible heirs. There's danger from a disappointed general taking action, but also from junior officers who may percieve the designee as hostile to their career interests or faction.

[patch-bunny.livejournal.com]

Perhaps we should start a Castro death pool. $5 per date?

[xolo.livejournal.com]

If you want to administer it, I'll play!

[patch-bunny.livejournal.com]

An interesting idea, but with about a dozen on my friends list I can't picture anyone participating.